closes

When the book closes you are gone… and I am once more alone… but the words continue to speak to me and as I walk through the street back to my house to escape the masses of people all crammed into their cars and stuck in traffic jams as they try to make it to the parks to linger in the sun I think of how it was that you lived, refusing to compromise, suffering starvation, cold, and homelessness in the pursuit of your dream and through your persistence you achieved it. It truly is an inspiration but at the same time it makes me feel like something of a failure or that I am living a lie and selling my soul to the only bidder who will have it. I sell my soul in fear of hunger and hopeless homelessness. I constantly dabble in the things that I love to do such as sit here and write these very words but they certainly have no mass (or minor) appeal and would never allow escape from the relentless pace of the corporate pursuit of profit. 

            I am becoming increasingly excited about the Master’s Degree – both the actually study as well as the graduation – because I hope that, in the long run, it will allow me to teach and possibly write at the same time. I have also started to develop the motivation to continue some of the larger writing projects that I have had on hold for a little while.

            In the wake of non-stop bad news regarding my parents and their health and the health of my surviving grandfather, I aim to be more positive in the pursuit of the things that I want to do. No matter what happens, we all end up old and ill and therefore we may as well try to do things that we like if it all possible. Of course, I say these things in the knowledge that so many people suffer horribly (and always have throughout time) and that they are forced to do terrible things simply to feed themselves and their families. With this in mind, I am grateful for what I do have.