clinging to the wreckage

Light gently pours into the inky black sky and a calm quiet Sunday morning forms with peace and a promise that the day is mine to do with as I please. In the realm of dream last night there was a beautiful woman who suggested we take the risk and simply enter into a relationship without consideration. I agreed. I was terrified. It was exciting. Waking, I am grateful to be alone, to be single, to have peace.                   The cat was asleep on the ledge beside the door this morning, as it so often is these days. I put a bowl of food down, as I do each morning, and she walked over to it, took a few sniffs, and casually walked away. It’s difficult to read a cat. Today’s bowl was also what I consider to be her favourite flavour… she usually devours it. Perhaps she had eaten something during the night.                   ...

  Almost two years… two years and, so far, most of us have survived. Not all of us have survived. There have been casualties of the illegal diversion wars and raids and attacks and stupidity. There are still some people who support this. Yet, somehow, most of us have survived almost two years under a moronic anti-science, anti-education, anti-vaccine, anti-everything that is not white male leader. The most idiotic of idiots support Marco Rubio and Elon Musk… they have NO CLUE what they are talking about or doing, they simply think with the head between their legs.                     Old fashioned conventional traditional thinkers… no concept of reality and modern ways of working, no understanding of the efforts and responsibilities and ways of working that other people have. Like a classic late Gen-X/Baby Boomer, no ability to understand the view of anyone except their own, yet claiming super...

The COVID pandemic saved me. If it were not for that, I would be homeless or in a mental institution now. Let me explain. In 2008, I suggested that my team work one or two days a week from home as we had the technology and no requirement whatsoever to commute large distances to the office. The office was a tremendous distraction, there was no ability to focus, people simply walking around chatting and interrupting. Remote work was not allowed. In 2012, I I started to work some weekends and agreed to do it only if I could do those days from home to avoid driving to an empty office to do everything I could do from home. This was granted and, in 2012, finally, remote work became a small part of my life.   In 2013, I moved to Madrid and led the team responsible for delivery and support of laptops and iPhones… I became very popular. It was impossible to focus on anything. As a result, I started to work one day a week from home, with an agreement that I would walk to the office immediate...

  One of life’s struggles can be that of trying to balance between the positive and negative and, if possible, to focus on the positive. Life can be wonderful, filled with awe and wonder for nature, full of rich friendships and conversations, study and work that help us to feel a sense of purpose and value, as well as romance, passion, excitement, travel, exploration and growth. However, it is also frequently filled with conflict, sickness, death, the awareness of cruelty and suffering… a feeling of hopelessness.                     Morrissey’s My love, I’d do anything for you plays as I lie on the couch and contemplate life. ‘Who am I? Every night of my life always missing someone’ he sings, accompanied by a dance-like rhythm. The album, Low in High School , is one of the greatest, in my opinion.  Full of Morrissey’s classic self-deprecating lyrics, which are funny but also absolutely a...

  Red rose, white rose … a beautiful tale… a traditional male and a flirtatious married female. A tale that seems written for me, and one that was found by pure luck. I’d ordered a book by Eileen Chang simply because I remembered enjoying the one that was on my shelf, Love in a fallen city , one that I had read as a part of my studies. Whilst waiting for the new book to arrive, I picked up the older one and discovered there was one short story at the end that I had not read. My bookmark, a ticket from Sorolla House museum in Madrid, was in the book at the beginning of the story. I started to read it and fell in love with every poetic, rebellious, unconventional word and line. I have also fallen in love with the character, Jiaorui. It has really whet my appetite for the new book that has arrived, Half a lifelong romance .  I did feel sad at the end for Wangli and her daughter. People deserve better from their relationships than neglect.       ...

  I’m a materialist. Not like Madonna, the material girl living in a material world, I simply believe in physical matter and not the spiritual realm. However, in recent times, there have been moments that I have felt my mother has been trying to communicate with me from beyond. Firstly, a sequence of books that I read in a row in which the protagonist dealt with the relationship with their mother (or children) causing me to revisit my own relationship with my mother and reassess many events and conversations. Then, last night, locked in a fever dream, hearing my mother call out ‘I know you are Michael, and I just want to see if I can help you in any way.’ But, even in the dream, I was too sick to respond. Finally, I regained strength and called out to her. I entered from outside into a kitchen (one from my teenage home) and she was calling back ‘where are you?’ When I walked into the living room, I saw her sitting on the couch close to the balcony door. I was standing in front of h...