clinging to the wreckage

  99 Degrees, a poem by Charles Bukowski

 

  At the airport with a hangover. Even breakfast was a disaster… I ate too soon and, hoping to get rid of my mushrooms and eggs, I made an omelette. I still feel sick and full. The flight is delayed due to a technical issue, but we finally make it. When we land, the gate is occupied by another plane. Eventually, we are directed to another gate, but they do not yet have staff ready. In the end, I make it to the bus and get back to my hotel, check in, and find my way to the ‘best of the bay’ harbour cruise. I booked the wrong one but it turns out to be a decent mistake because the cruise is a really enjoyable one. It just means that my traditional trip was somewhat blemished. After the cruise, I was even more delighted to discover that my favourite sunset bar across from the hotel is not closed as Google Maps suggested but has just changed its name. It still exists with the same great beers, cocktails, and staff.             ...

  As they fade away, time passes, people are gone. Relationships simply fade to a dim glow and then die. No one knows why. It could be one thing said, one belief, one action… it makes us see something in another that we find distasteful, or we simply no longer feel an urge to chase and fight for the connection. I know that I have upset more than one person by expressing my desire to remain single and to not have children. In the same way, I find it tedious to see every single person getting engaged, then getting married, then having children. Here we go again, just by writing these words I am causing more relationships to die. I have travelled so much, I have listened to so much alternative music, I have read so many books, I have had so many unusual relationships, I have lived so far from family for most of my life… nothing about it has been conventional and, as a result, I struggle to relate conventional lifestyles.            ...

  As a lifelong punk rocker, people assume that I have no awareness of the bible or its teachings, that I don’t know about Jesus Christ. I am an atheist, yes, but I do believe that Jesus existed. He was a human being. And I believe that he was one of the most progressive revolutionaries to ever exist. His compassion and forgiveness resulted in him being put to death because people simply could not understand him. It has been the same for two thousand years, any progressive with a different ideology is marginalised and punished. As for the bible, I studied it as a part of my literary studies, as a work of fiction. However, to be brutally honest, I preferred to focus on serious and artistic literature, not that of made-up fables to try to convince mankind that death is not so bad or that there was a virgin birth, presumably to hide the reality of what happened.                     That said, I a...

  People promote mental health awareness, and that is good and it is essential. Those people who promote it suggest that we speak up and reach out with issues without shame. Those same people ghost anyone who they don’t find attractive or useful in their daily life. Of course, I am old now, I have seen most patterns 1000 times or more… those who feel they need help are quick to promote that others reach out for help… and even quicker to ignore anyone reaching out because the only mental health problem is, of course, their own.                     Nine years ago, today, I was on the stage in Vigo, Galicia, Spain, singing for The Handicaps in a celebration of Vigo and the club Celta De Vigo at an event called Palmer Fest. We headlined, but it was late, the club was loud, and I had lost my voice. It almost felt like a chore getting through the show, it was punishment. Once it was over, we flooded...