clinging to the wreckage

  There sometimes is a punishment for having a night of good sleep, it is a night of hardly any sleep the following night. This is where I am. 03:56 purgatory. The wind howls outside like a vicious beast, lashing the windows with a wet whip, and the temperature drops from 31C to 14C. The apartment does not yet reflect the dropping temperature, its walls still warmed by months of relentless heat. Yet, tomorrow, it should be beautiful. Almost cold, but sunny and calm, the perfect day to sit outside with a beer and a book.                     Before that, there is work to be done, and it is relentless. At least there is a great song stuck in my head… ‘Cyanide’ by Bad Religion. I connect to the Marshall speaker in my bedroom and play it. It punctuates my current listening, The Menzingers, and, once again, it dawns on my how so many things are interconnected by character, personality, values, and p...

  And, just like that, the cat reappears without a care in the world… as relaxed as ever… posing before a pale grey sky, awaiting sunrise. As we connect and crouch in each other’s company, a figure appears on the car park roof. He’s wearing headphones and looking down at us. It’s 6am. It’s something that I fail to understand. The building is equipped with a communal workspace, a community social space, a gym, a pool, it is surrounded by lakes and nature trails… but people ‘get their steps’ and take calls in the car park. Nevertheless, it makes me feel calm again to see the cat and know that she is safe and healthy.                     The following morning rolls around and I have been up since 4am. That was when I gave up. I’d been sleeping on and off for a few hours and had, in fact, just woken from a dream in which I had found a baby blue whale in a wreckage and was taking it to my apartment, through flooding, to take care of it s...

  Worrying about the cat, I decided to walk down to the lake to watch the sunset and cheer myself up. As I approached the deck with a book, I saw an Asian lady with what looked like a very fluffy little dog in a harness, but as I got closer to her, I discovered that it was the fattest, fluffiest, cutest cat I had seen. I smiled a few times and walked over to the deck to sit down and read. The lady with the cat came and sat a few chairs along from me and I couldn’t help but stare at her cat and smile uncontrollably. A few moments later the cat had crawled through the fence, and the lady was unable to pull it back through. I walked over and asked if she needed help… she whispered, ‘I think so’, and a lady who was reading on the other side also approached to help. She held the leash while the cat owner dashed around to the other side to gather her cat.  The three of us ended up having a conversation for a while. The cat’s name is ‘Flower’ and has just arrived with her owner fro...

   The sun seems somewhat reluctant to rise over a sleeping Dallas. Lying in bed, motionless, sleepless, I start to worry a little about the recent bout of insomnia that plagues me. Thoughts of work creep into my mind and snuggle up beside other thoughts already troubling me… thoughts of politics and sport and death and the absence of romance. Even the cat has disappeared. Finally, I gather the motivation to saunter into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Back in bed, sipping in silence, I glance at the screen and see not too much in the way of positivity.                     When I venture outside, I discover that the cat’s food bowl, which sat untouched all day yesterday, is empty, which means that she appeared and ate at some point in the night. It wasn’t the birds that ate the food because they leave a different pattern. There is still no sign of the cat, however. The cooler tempera...

  Creativity must be done for oneself. A form of therapy that comes through the joy and hope and (sometimes) beauty of creativity. Writings that go unread. Songs or Podcasts that go unheard. Videos that go unseen. This is often the fate of the artist and the creator, but it should not deter them from doing what they love and seeking meaning through expression.                     Contemplating this, it is also appropriate to mention that today is World Mental Health Day. I think it is important to recognise that, and to take some time to consider it. Even in current times, mental health is not taken seriously and many people, especially in a work environment, are still ashamed to raise the concern or express their needs in terms of mental health. Often, when they do, leaders respond as if it doesn’t exist. Especially those who are being told that everything sensitive is ‘woke’ or ‘fake’. In a ...

 Two years ago, my dad was visiting Dallas for the first time, his first ever visit to the US. I am sad that my mother never made it, but grateful that my dad was able to see my adopted home and spend some time here. He loved it. Even though we are British, my dad lives in South Africa… the south of South Africa, so the journey is a long one and not easy, even for me. I have not visited there since my mother passed away and there is something that haunts me about the idea of visiting now. He lives fifteen minutes, walking, from the beach and it is spectacular. A beach upon which I have witnessed majestical things… whales breaching and dolphins playing close to the shore. It’s also, unfortunately, a place with many sharks and there have been numerous attacks along that stretch of coastline. Stepping off the beach there are quaint little restaurants where you can order some local home-made food and sip a beer or wine whilst looking out over the vast Indian Ocean.  At least, fo...