clinging to the wreckage

  In researching pictures and places and searching through notes for traces of the places I went and the words that were used I discovered something completely removed from my memory. This discovery was that, when I had been in Hollywood, it was to fulfil a dream of seeing Bad Religion at the Hollywood Palladium, a dream I’d had since they released a DVD of the same in 2004… but the thing that had completely slipped from my mind was that I saw them there two nights in a row. Seeing the pictures revived the memory of how it had happened. I had gone with one ticket to one night but, while I was there, they added a second show, so I decided to buy tickets and go again. I had not done this, like a groupie, since I lived in England and I watched Bad Religion in London on Friday night, close to my home, and then took the train to Manchester, close to where I was born, to watch them the following night at Manchester University. Before the Manchester show, I met Greg Hetson, a legend, and ...

  Drifting through the parking lot at 04:30am, looking for the cat. Unable to sleep. A few minutes earlier a group of people arrived, talking and laughing on the top of their voices in the corridor not seeming to realise that the doors that surround them are the doors of people’s homes and that it is 4am. Selfish people empowered by selfish people, a perpetual cycle. Questioning the value of education because ‘it won’t help to get a job’ and not realising that it brings self-development, critical thinking skills, understanding, tolerance, independently formed worldviews, etc. If your only concerns in life are cheap ‘gas’ and large salaries, you have lost before you even start.                     After going to Ojos for lunch, I watch England beat France in the ‘losers’ final of the world cup. It brings me very little joy because England were 4-0 up, then conceded 3 goals, and the tactical dec...

  The fan spins with a monotonous hum, a vaguely audible hum. There is peace and calm. Sauntering towards the door I make a bowl of food for the cat and step outside into the 6am morning. A wall of violent sound greets me as a tow truck idles right beside the door, inspecting cars in the car park that might not be legitimately parked. This is the modern world. We spend more money and effort trying to protect and punish unnecessarily than we spend contributing to helping people. People like punishing people, they prefer it to helping people. We spend money on war but not food. We spend money checking if people are in the office but not on incentives that will promote office attendance and engagement. We prefer fear over respect. It’s why some places choose religion over science… it is fear over understanding. It is control over education and freedom.                     That being committed to ...

 Every page is blank… and yet every day is a play that brings us emotion from events that occur, events often stirred by those who are unable to sit still. Nevertheless, we should wish to live deliciously and taste every moment as it arrives to the fullest. Not to be dull and conventional. To avoid dogma and tradition and convention. By this, I do not suggest cruelty, I suggest fun and growth and learning and compassion.   A part of modern convention that I see as a negative is that of people being told that they are ‘too nice.’ This results in waves of people refusing to show any level of kindness or vulnerability because they want to be the ‘stronger’ one.   Tradition often results in debt and depression because people believe that they simply have to have a home and a spouse and a child… if they don’t have it, they are depressed. And, even worse, if they do have it, they often end up struggling to pay for the home and/or the family, which in turn results in a feeling o...

  The tumble dryer spins as I stand beside it waiting for the cycle to end. ‘The only way it will end is if you walk away and do something else.’ I walk to my bedroom, climb into bed, pull the covers ups, the tumble dryer stops. I get back out of bed, walk back to the tumble dryer, and take out the towels so that I have a fresh one in the morning when I shower. A 7am meeting awaits. Every day there is a 7am meeting. It’s not so much 7am that I mind, it is more the fact that most meetings are simply not needed. To see a face, to exchange stories, that would be worthwhile, but, in most meetings, people leave their cameras off and the read numbers or ask for numbers. That could be a presentation sent as a message or linked in a webpage.                     AI is rampant, and yet people are working more than ever. That is, of course, until they become a number struck from a list and no longer have...

  An elevated view of the lake. Calm. Inside I am not so calm. It seems that people seek conflict and, yes, I know that our evolution didn’t hinge on passivity, but it seems that many people actively seek irritation. We move on and attend a watch party in the office, France v Spain, and France lose. Most of my colleagues are French, so there is a sense of despair. I escape and start to walk home. On the way, I walk into the bar to escape the sense of… what is it? A sense of despair seems a little bit too strong. A sense of disappointment is probably more accurate. Disappointment that goes back to people not seeming to want to make life better. Too caught up in anger and petty grudges and traditions and conventions. Too worried about whether or not people are in the office to actually focus on anything constructive or meaningful. Too busy with petty acts to try to get the final word in a lost argument. People start, in youth, wanting power, thinking they have power, and, in older ag...