clinging to the wreckage

  Financially, I am doing okay now… but it has not always been this way. Yet, even more important than that is peace. I have peace now… and it has not always been this way. Life can be lonely, particularly a peaceful life, for peace is often found in the absence of people. I interact on a daily basis, but my evenings are spent alone and most of my weekends are spent alone, except for the few hours that I go out seeking air, company, sound, food, alcohol, and the sights of nature. When I can, I walk, cycle, use the bus or train, and keep things as simple as possible. The silence and the lack of response from people I have known around the world throughout the years still bothers me in different ways, but I no longer feel a desperation or a longing. If anything, I wonder if they hate me now or if they simply feel it is better not to revive or maintain old friendships. But I also wonder if they are sad or depressed or, even worse, imprisoned in some form of bad relationship. In most c...

  It’s difficult to stop laughing these days. Well, we alternate between crying and laughing. First, I see that Elon Musk’s Grok has proved that Big Foot exists, then I see a video about ‘six proofs that Jesus never existed.’ My main thought is… why do people even care? My Theory is that there was probably a radical progressive gay guy who was preaching love and forgiveness, then the Republicans of the time put him to death in the streets for challenging their wealth and stone age beliefs. Of course, it is obvious to any scholar of the twenty first century that the bible is a metaphorical work of fiction… but it is certain that, like any work of modern fiction, the characters and events are based on real events. Someone who preaches freedom of love, freedom of religion, forgiveness, tolerance, acceptance… maybe they even supported the idea of windmills… is certain to be killed by the guys who think they are the toughest and the strongest, and the only ones worthy of having choices....

  I see many articles about Britain wanting to rejoin the European Union. I am delighted about this. But people claim they were misled, and that is why they voted to leave. I see people in the US regretting their vote for Donald Trump, and they say they never knew it would be like this. All I can say is that, as a British citizen, I voted to remain in Europe and, later, becoming a US citizen, I voted against Trump. In both cases, it was blatantly obvious to me what the outcome would be. The truth is that Brexit and Trump votes result from the same thing… fear and hatred. It is complex and nuanced, but the main fear and hatred was that of immigrants and immigration, in both cases.                     It is not easy, I understand. In a sense, I was fortunate… when I was eight years old my parents left the UK and moved to South Africa, we were immigrants. Years later I returned to the UK and was ...

  There is nothing better than to be able to take a walk through a street or an area in which there is life… to enter a bar and order a cold beer, to take a sip and ponder life... or chat to random strangers or make new friends. There have been times in my life that I have been in relationships in which I simply felt trapped and suffocated and an unbearable desire to get up and leave and be alone. In all of my ‘romantic’ relationships I have felt a need to entertain, to host, to ensure that my partner is not bored… and the simple things in life are usually no longer an option. Even if they are, they become a prison themselves when everything has a limit or a restriction or an expectation. For me, single life is the only life that I can live now.                     Do people get married because they have lost all sense of curiosity and adventure? Do they do it for a desire for sex and they can...

  After a week in France, a mixture of stress and joy... the stress of giving a presentation juxtaposed with the joy of walking beside the sea at night, drinking delicious wine and eating amazing food, it was time to take a week off in Spain. People move, change, get married, have kids, go silent, disappear, but Madrid still goes on as it always has. People leave and disappear because Madrid is a party city… it is a city for the single, for the traveller, for the adventurer. It is also no longer a cheap city. It leaves an emptiness to visit a city in which one has lived and experienced so much love and adventure only to discover that all of that is deeply in the past. People hide… or simply don’t bother to reply… until after one has departed.                     Suddenly the silence sinks into a peaceful solace. I am grateful to be free to explore freely and spend the day as I please, without ...

  Sitting on the metro in Madrid, travelling from Ventas to Plaza de España… the first or second stop brought a vision of beauty beyond belief at the window. She was waiting to board the train and I could not help but smile at her. She smiled back. She stepped onto the train coyly and, after a little twirl and swirl, sat beside me. I was struggling to breathe and to cope with my heartbeat speed. I looked at our reflection in the window and we both had a grin on our face. The heat rose from within and I was staring at her shoes, her socks, I was seeking something… something to say. She started to message on her phone but almost as if she was trying to show me what was on the screen. My eyes flickered over it and I could see that her messages were in English. I pulled my headphones off and she seemed expectant. I looked at her face, it was beautiful, with a sprinkling of freckles over her nose. And, yet, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t speak. We pulled into Sol and she got up and left. ...