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no point

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  I love books in which people stand up to the heavy pressure of tradition… books in which people are constantly being told to marry, constantly being ‘setup’ to meet someone to marry. Everyone is getting married and having children around them and they defiantly cry out ‘no, I will not marry, I want to remain single and create. I want to paint and I want to write and I want to travel.’ Inevitably, this speaks to me. From an early age, I never wanted to marry, I never wanted to buy a house, I never wanted to have children in spite of everyone that I knew either telling me that I should do all of those things or themselves doing all of those things. I remember, at the age of 25, having a girlfriend who was 26… she owned her own home and got angry with me when I told her that I didn’t want to buy one. She argued that there was ‘no point to life’ and ‘no ambition’ if one did not seek to get married, buy a home, and start a family. That was not the last time I would hear such words thr...
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time...

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  The past lurks around corners in a haunting shade awaiting the moment that it can leap out and terrify you with memories. There is also a resounding awareness of the passing of time, an awareness that is driven home upon looking in the mirror. The mirror mocks those once young and asks what they spent their lives doing. Did you pursue freedom or slavery? Were you kind or cruel? What did you contribute? We spend life commuting, trading our time for money to pay for the commute. And yet, there are glorious moments; Finding French love in Madrid. Being completely enamored with an American amor in San Diego. People who have become lifelong friends in The Czech Republic and Albania.                   Alas, life goes on. We know not what lies around the corner, all we can do is try to live well and enjoy the moment whilst also doing all that we can to be independent and free. Working can bring meaning ...
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of the people, by the people, for the people

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  Two years ago, today, I became an American citizen. It was a great moment, a lifelong goal and dream, and at a time that the country seemed to be progressing towards a more loving and globally connected future. I was able to vote for the first time and, whilst my dad was visiting for the first time, we went to the local voting centre and I cast my vote for Harris. I then flew to India on business. I was a little bit nervous about the trip and about my new role leading a vastly technical team, but I was also grateful to get to see India for the first time and I was still on a high from becoming a dual American British citizen. Then, whilst in India, election night came. I stayed awake all night in excitement and anticipation… and ended the night depressed and fighting back tears. I had to cancel my day and stay in my room in mourning. It felt like a death. At a very minimum, the death of four years for the entire US population and, undoubtedly, all of those around the world who wo...
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in contrast

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 A leaf is cast down in its brown autumnal coat. It is stood upon and crackles as it breaks. The water beside it, in contrast, appears to be a magnificent blue. The light has changed and there is less sun, but the heat remains, making the water inviting and refreshing without being cold. It soothes me during a break from work on my first day back after a week of vacation. Sitting at the desk in my home office I felt like I was starting to burn my brain and fall asleep. So many thoughts about time and retirement. All the while knowing that I am fortunate. Nevertheless, time is like water, it is a finite resource, and we are like the leaf… we fall gently to the ground and get crushed under the sole of a relentless machine that never stops.  And yet, existence is always a contrast.  Yesterday, as I sat at the local bar casually catching up with people, a lady walked in and sat beside me. She starting to contribute to the conversation and, as it seemed we had a lot of music...
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a flicker of hope...

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  Flying on the 25 th anniversary of 9/11 felt like an honour. As I thought of what those people went through 25 years ago, I felt grateful to be able to fly a smooth flight in safety… and even had the pleasure of having one of my neighbours on board as the lead flight attendant. As a dual British American Citizen, I feel proud to represent those two countries in spite of the dark clouds that have troubled both in recent decades. Being in San Diego was special for this moment, too, because I feel some unknown connection to the place, the harbour, the Naval Base, and it made me feel emotional for no reason whatsoever to see so many US Marines board the plane alongside me to Dallas. As a British Punk Rocker, it even surprises me to write these words… but it is true. Perhaps it is just from some book or film that struck me at a certain time in history that caused this resonance. Some people would say ‘incarnation.’ Yet, in this I simply cannot believe. Most people seemed completely o...
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I dream of blue water.

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Wednesday the 9 th of September was the greatest of days… even though it ended badly. It was the day after my birthday, usually a day that tends to be insignificant, dull, dark and depressive. However, being in San Diego, it was my second full day of the trip and, even though I had not slept well at all, I decided to take a bus to Ocean Beach. I usually take the train to old town and then a bus from there but this time I discovered the 923 bus that goes directly from the front of my hotel on North Harbour Drive to Ocean Beach. When I arrived in Ocean Beach it was around 10am, so I walked directly to the beach and sat in the shade of the lifeguard’s station and read. I recorded a reading of 99 Degrees by Charles Bukowski for my YouTube channel and then I read To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf.                     Around 11:30, the shade was disappearing and the heat was rising, so I decided to ...
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last night...

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  The last night in San Diego has arrived… and the day started really badly due to a terrible hangover, the worst I have had in years, and regrets from the night before. I lay in bed and watched European soccer, Man Utd v Sabah, then finally ventured out. I had originally intended to go to a British pub called The Shakespeare but missed it due to my hangover. Therefore, once feeling better, I decided to head there on the train. When I got out at the station, there were people fighting and the area was very industrial. To get to the pub I had to cross an extremely busy road that as under construction, under a highway. I decided to turn around and walk back to the train. Craving British food, I took a few stops back and went to little Italy to the Prince’s Pub. It was disappointing.                     I walked back to my hotel and then, after a rest, took an Uber to the Gas Lamp Quarter and vis...
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