clinging to the wreckage

  The beauty of the sunrise walk is astounding. The silver light causes the unique cloud pattern to reflect upon the water and create a mythical image. The reflection represents my tumultuous thoughts of a former lover, a Russian with an Asian appearance. I loved her and still do… but it is never that simple, and so there is another empty silence soaring into a sensual sunrise. A voice, a scent, a secret kiss over a span of 6 years… America to France and back again. It’s always pain with a vibrant memory. Is the story over?                     And so, I set out for another lengthy walk around the lake that takes me to the local bar once more. I’m tired of politics, of sport, of people trapped by tradition, and the boredom of the status quo. It’s a day that I long for England and Spain, my European life. As I enter the area of the bar, I discover that there’s a classic car show and a market tak...

  They get married, buy a house, have children, and call everyone sheep.   They all refuse to get vaccinated because social media told them they shouldn’t get vaccinated… all together they fight vaccination, and they call everyone sheep.   They wake up at 6am and get into their cars to drive to the office because it is what they are told they should do, it is what they have always done, it is what should always be done, and they call everyone sheep.   They hate immigration, they believe that illegal immigrants are getting free health care and being housed in New York Penthouses, they do no research of their own, they form no opinions of their own, and they call everyone sheep.   And maybe I am wrong, or blind, maybe it is wise to make friends with Russia and North Korea and to make enemies of Canada and Europe… I know they were all against war, terrified of war, determined Harris would start war… now they support the war and they call everyone sheep.   Bide...

  There sometimes is a punishment for having a night of good sleep, it is a night of hardly any sleep the following night. This is where I am. 03:56 purgatory. The wind howls outside like a vicious beast, lashing the windows with a wet whip, and the temperature drops from 31C to 14C. The apartment does not yet reflect the dropping temperature, its walls still warmed by months of relentless heat. Yet, tomorrow, it should be beautiful. Almost cold, but sunny and calm, the perfect day to sit outside with a beer and a book.                     Before that, there is work to be done, and it is relentless. At least there is a great song stuck in my head… ‘Cyanide’ by Bad Religion. I connect to the Marshall speaker in my bedroom and play it. It punctuates my current listening, The Menzingers, and, once again, it dawns on my how so many things are interconnected by character, personality, values, and p...

  And, just like that, the cat reappears without a care in the world… as relaxed as ever… posing before a pale grey sky, awaiting sunrise. As we connect and crouch in each other’s company, a figure appears on the car park roof. He’s wearing headphones and looking down at us. It’s 6am. It’s something that I fail to understand. The building is equipped with a communal workspace, a community social space, a gym, a pool, it is surrounded by lakes and nature trails… but people ‘get their steps’ and take calls in the car park. Nevertheless, it makes me feel calm again to see the cat and know that she is safe and healthy.                     The following morning rolls around and I have been up since 4am. That was when I gave up. I’d been sleeping on and off for a few hours and had, in fact, just woken from a dream in which I had found a baby blue whale in a wreckage and was taking it to my apartment, through flooding, to take care of it s...

  Worrying about the cat, I decided to walk down to the lake to watch the sunset and cheer myself up. As I approached the deck with a book, I saw an Asian lady with what looked like a very fluffy little dog in a harness, but as I got closer to her, I discovered that it was the fattest, fluffiest, cutest cat I had seen. I smiled a few times and walked over to the deck to sit down and read. The lady with the cat came and sat a few chairs along from me and I couldn’t help but stare at her cat and smile uncontrollably. A few moments later the cat had crawled through the fence, and the lady was unable to pull it back through. I walked over and asked if she needed help… she whispered, ‘I think so’, and a lady who was reading on the other side also approached to help. She held the leash while the cat owner dashed around to the other side to gather her cat.  The three of us ended up having a conversation for a while. The cat’s name is ‘Flower’ and has just arrived with her owner fro...

   The sun seems somewhat reluctant to rise over a sleeping Dallas. Lying in bed, motionless, sleepless, I start to worry a little about the recent bout of insomnia that plagues me. Thoughts of work creep into my mind and snuggle up beside other thoughts already troubling me… thoughts of politics and sport and death and the absence of romance. Even the cat has disappeared. Finally, I gather the motivation to saunter into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Back in bed, sipping in silence, I glance at the screen and see not too much in the way of positivity.                     When I venture outside, I discover that the cat’s food bowl, which sat untouched all day yesterday, is empty, which means that she appeared and ate at some point in the night. It wasn’t the birds that ate the food because they leave a different pattern. There is still no sign of the cat, however. The cooler tempera...