formidable


I suppose, when we see an ambulance pull up outside, paramedics rushing from it, we can only feel something akin to relief that it is not for us. But the irony is that I pour a beer and feel like I can’t go on reading this book. It feels more and more like the final chapter, a chapter that is too long, and I don’t even want to know the ending. The silly gossip that exists everywhere drags me down and the questions I’m asked about a person infuriate me; a person I care for deeply regardless of her condition or her behaviour.
As for her, a lengthy silence was broken yesterday and this filled me with great delight. It was as if the light had finally returned after a prolonged spell of darkness. We shared tea and tales and songs… ‘we were wonderful… you were wonderful… I was pathetic.’
It’s sad to know that you won’t be around for a few days but it’s not the first time someone I have loved has disappeared into silent retreat. In fact, it is a constantly recurring theme in my life. Next Thursday I will see you for possibly the last time ever and I can’t help but feel the shocking tragedy of that fact.

           

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