in the end


I lie in the dark… well, it is a dim candlelight… and I think of dying. I feel a longing for death… because I see no point in the rest.... why do we go on and go on and grow old and waste away? We struggle on alone and everyone is fighting their own battle in their own space. It’s no crime to go. It’s no crime to make some space. All the drinks in the world can’t make this a happy place and all of the drinks in the world can’t bring you closer. One moment two people are sharing a salad and a fork… the next minute they are in different countries and the memory is starting to fade. And we just move on and move on like we are going through chocolate bars or bottles of beer… some disposable commodity. We are disposable commodities. And tonight I am bleeding. Both physically and metaphorically. I’m falling apart. I suppose I can’t expect anything else considering the last few months. Perhaps one could argue that the last few years have been extreme and that I have taken a great many risks with my health. I thought I’d made it… but it seems I may have pushed it a little too far in the end.

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