fail

I struggle with my grip on reality. It loosens and I find myself falling through spiralling prisms of sounds and sights making no sense. I fail to relate to or make sense of anything. Sitting alone in a silent room I feel distant from everything that exists… people, the chair upon which I sit, the table before me. Lonely yet somehow numb to it I light a candle and sip a drink. The glass is tangible and firm in my hand and yet I feel estranged to it. It is smooth and cold and has weight but it is an object and I am indifferent to its purpose, its existence.
            My mother once said to me ‘You can travel all over the world but you will never escape yourself.’ I was silenced and forced into thought… I realised that she was correct. The most troubled relationship that I have ever experienced in my life is the one with myself, especially myself in love. In love I am lost… hopeless… a castaway. My weaknesses are lit up in neon signs each time I am in this situation and I can’t seem to escape a suffocating sense of self. The words fail to make sense… they fail… they fail.

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