I used to be an atheist but now I'm a nihilist.


Moving slowly along these piss-stained streets towards an unwelcoming door…. moments before I felt your hug, a hug that said ‘I don’t want you but I don’t want you to be sad’. I stop at the Chinese store, a Spanish delight, to buy beer and wine so that I can self medicate. Once inside my apartment, I cut my hair – you hate it when I do but I suspect you care less and less about it now – and then shower. I pour a beer into a glass and then admire the beads of condensation as they form and fall like the tears I try to keep inside. It’s always death. I always return to the same, stable companions; this glass in my hand and the music that constantly fills the room. Placing the glass upon the table I lift another book that deals with loss, with isolation, with lost hope and the meaninglessness of everything. We seek meaning and yet we are carbon-based wastage.

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