spy


Every day I awake to a blue sky and although it makes everyone happy, it somehow depresses me. It never changes… every day another clear blue sky. But I should not complain because on the winter week days I awake in darkness and get up to prepare for work. I walk to the office in the cold morning air, filled with anxiety and depression. The thoughts I harbour upon that walk are all bad thoughts… thoughts of aggressive environments, thoughts of lost love and of the fickle nature of human beings.
            I am grateful for these mornings in bed, alone, with music and books. The sounds of Johnny Cash’s ‘Get Rhythm’ currently fill the room and the day stretches out before me filled with leisure time. This is happiness. And yet I am aware that the normal anxiety will creep in as the day comes to an all too abrupt conclusion and the threat of a five-day working week looms. It is not working hard that I fear, it is the attitude of people… the pressure that we exert upon each other, the way that people stab each other in the back to climb the corporate ladder. Now I have resorted to clichés. But there is nothing better to express their attitude than an old text book cliché, for the back stabbers in a corporate office are unable to create or produce original thoughts and ideas… they run on rails and never break a rule, anything to make themselves look great.
            It is good to always remember that we have choices. I could resign tomorrow and walk away. Sure, it is not an easy choice because it means I would have no income but it is a choice. I sincerely hope that the essay I submitted last week is satisfactory and that I move closer to the completion of my Master’s Degree so that I have further options. I like the thought of teaching on the North American continent at some point in the future. A final phase of life to try and get one right.


ps. stop reading this blog if you're only doing so as a spy. 

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