a fine line


There was a brief flicker, here and there, where I thought I had found love… or something close to it. However, they all turned out to be false alarms and the moment passed. The spare wheel remains exactly that. At my age, the spare wheel metaphor is more appropriate than ever before simply because everyone else has a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t sit around longing for that. I am happy alone and I love to flirt with drama. I love the words that pour from pain. Even if it is not always really pain. After all, true pain is being in a relationship that is void of love. Feeling lonely and lost in love and wondering how to escape. I get to travel and do many things without complication and for that I am truly grateful.
            I began to think of this tonight as I logged into my blog and discovered that my profile picture was that of me being clutched in tight embrace by a young lady in Madrid. We met amongst a large group of our friends and sparks flew. Not just a little sprinkling of sparks but more like a heavy-duty grinder being applied to a solid sheet of metal. After a lot of hand squeezing and various subtle displays of desire we went downstairs to the toilets at the same time and started to kiss passionately. However, after a few seconds, as always happens in those instances, someone appeared from the men’s loo and we immediately stopped and went into our respective retreats.
A few days later she ended up in my hotel room. She never spent the night. For several weeks after I left Madrid we were messaging each other fervently. Messages written with the passion only possible between two lovers cruelly separated by distance in the heat of their early love stages. Being almost twice her age I had no idealistic ideas that we would end up together. It simply was not possible. She had several people pursuing her, one of whom was her ex-boyfriend. As expected, the communication slowed and came to something of a stop. We started to chat yesterday a little bit and she is seeing her ex-boyfriend again.
Getting older has some advantages. One of these advantages is being able to identify repetitive cycles of behaviour.

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