awake
I had been awake since 4 or before. It was Valentines day. I knew I had to end things with one, spend the day longing for others, and then wallow in isolation and solitude. I watched a TV show in which Lucifer, who was British, of course, left hell to take a vacation in Los Angeles. The idea is actually quite intriguing, the execution is less so. Sometimes I feel as if I am living this role. I used to be this sweet boy who always smiled and looked for innocent and long-lasting traditional love. Over the years I saw people having fun all around me whilst I suffered deeply and internally. It happened relatively late in life that my marriage ended and my eyes opened. I felt a deep sense of relief and of freedom. Expecting nothing and living in the moment I had relationships with people who were in relationships and then I moved to Madrid. Life began at 39. I became so happy that I was sometimes scared. For the first time I started to do what I had always seen others do… I...