reflection

 Christmas morning was silent… punctuated occasionally by sirens, which made me wonder if people were sick, injured, or setting their houses on fire. Or was it something else? Fighting? Shooting? Domestic violence? My mother had passed away on the 15th of December in her time zone, the 14th of December in mine… this made Christmas additionally silent. I looked through my photos from ‘on this day [through the years]’. Last year I was with my parents for the first time at Christmas in many years. There was a photo I had taken in the morning whilst I was helping my mother prepare vegetables to cook. My mother was sitting in front of me looking into a bowl and my father was standing in the distance, wearing a Josie Records sweater that I had bought for him in Dallas just before I flew over. I bought the same sweater for my mother, too, but I only ever saw her wearing it once, many months later, on a Skype call.

Life is an inevitable cycle and I often think that people expect too much from it. It is a good thing to constantly try to improve yourself through learning, education, generosity, and kindness, but expecting too much from life… a great job, wealth, car, house, the perfect partner, wonderful children, is the path to misery and frustration. All we can do is try to enjoy every single day and to work towards self-improvement each day. I never wanted children and never had them. When I left school, I didn’t particularly care about university and I went to college instead to do a very practical communication, marketing, and computing diploma. Later in life I got the desire to get a degree and obtained a Bachelors in Literature. The degree spanned the entire length of my marriage… starting and ending at the same time. The marriage left me with debt, and I worked hard to pay it off. As soon as I paid it off, I began a master’s degree in English. I moved to Spain and completed my Master’s degree there before moving to the USA. I have written a BOOK, I have recorded an album and travelled with a band, we produced a VIDEO for one of the singles that was published on YouTube, and I produce a Podcast. I have lived in four countries and have done relatively well in my career. I did all of these things by simply dedicating myself to whatever I was doing at the time and by participating and helping and trying to build community… but never with expectation.

I hope you have all had a great Christmas and that 2024 is peaceful and healthy.