experiences

 I sit in the waiting room, scared, and it suddenly dawns on me how many experiences I have had in life. Serious and sometimes terrifying ones, as well as many fun ones, of course. Sitting here, now, it’s funereal. Yes, it is like being at a funeral. Wearing a jacket. Nervous. But the nerves start to disappear upon thinking of all the intense experiences of my life. At one point, in my younger years, they were almost too much to bear. Now, they often stir very little feeling, which, in a way, is sad. We grow older and become desensitized. In youth, if we are humble, we realize that we are lost in a world in which adults have experience and understanding, which they use to knit together the fabric of society, making things function. In our older years, we have so much experience ourselves that, even though there is so much to learn, and we understand that there are so many people with more knowledge than us, we know that we can hold our own in discussion, we are educated, we are experienced. 

                  For instance, today I no longer need to panic and question myself when someone says ‘you should get married’ or ‘you should buy a house’. I have been married, I have been poor, I have been in debt. I have lived in four different countries, I have lost jobs, I have been promoted, and I have been cast aside. I have found love and I have lost love. I’ve lost weight and I’ve gained weight. I know what works for me and what doesn’t. Yes, I still make mistakes… and I still learn from them. I do not want commitment anymore… whether that be a house, a marriage, a child, a car, or anything else. I want total freedom. A simple life. 

                  Thank you to beautiful experiences.