Reclusive evolution

 Complicated conversations cause complexities and anxieties throughout the day. Professional ones, not emotional or romantic. There is nothing wiser said than ‘pause, think, reflect’ before acting, before responding.’

                  For peace, I turn to the current Eileen Chang novel that I am reading, Half a Lifelong Romance, and, as always, it is beautiful to read. I love the intricate detail that Chang fits into each passage… the protagonist arriving home to find her brother kicking a shuttlecock into the air and then seeing her sister talking on the phone in the hallway, and describing every detail of the clothing her sister is wearing, how she is moving and bumping against a telephone book, and even the sweat stain on her clothing caused by the hand of a dance partner.

                  Aside from that, Madrid has been flashing through my mind all day today since I woke up. The social life I had in Madrid, the new friends I seemed to make so easily, the joy of seeing colleagues at the office, and how many of these colleagues also became great friends. Life is vastly different now, not necessarily worse, just different, as our lives tend to be as we get older and change. Dare I saw ‘evolve’? We evolve to a certain extent and then one could argue that we devolve. One of the main changes, I feel, is that we want to socialize less… and people want to socialize less with us haha. So, inevitably, life becomes quieter and more reclusive. Reclusive is my natural state but, in Madrid, I became the opposite for three years and nearly burned myself out like a candle burning at both ends. 

                  It’s possible that Lemmy from Motorhead had it right at the end. He’d settled in Hollywood and spent most days sitting at the end of the bar at the Ranbow Bar & Grill playing a game, keeping to himself, whilst enjoying a drink and watching people go buy. I enjoy sitting somewhere, with a drink, interacting for a minute or two with people here and there and, mostly, just keeping to myself and my own thoughts… or writing and reading. 



The Bukowski Tavern, Cambridge, Massachusetts (permanently closed in 2021).

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

it's not someone else's fault.

  I see many articles about Britain wanting to rejoin the European Union. I am delighted about this. But people claim they were misled, and that is why they voted to leave. I see people in the US regretting their vote for Donald Trump, and they say they never knew it would be like this. All I can say is that, as a British citizen, I voted to remain in Europe and, later, becoming a US citizen, I voted against Trump. In both cases, it was blatantly obvious to me what the outcome would be. The truth is that Brexit and Trump votes result from the same thing… fear and hatred. It is complex and nuanced, but the main fear and hatred was that of immigrants and immigration, in both cases.                     It is not easy, I understand. In a sense, I was fortunate… when I was eight years old my parents left the UK and moved to South Africa, we were immigrants. Years later I returned to the UK and was ...
Read more

big foot beats Jesus

  It’s difficult to stop laughing these days. Well, we alternate between crying and laughing. First, I see that Elon Musk’s Grok has proved that Big Foot exists, then I see a video about ‘six proofs that Jesus never existed.’ My main thought is… why do people even care? My Theory is that there was probably a radical progressive gay guy who was preaching love and forgiveness, then the Republicans of the time put him to death in the streets for challenging their wealth and stone age beliefs. Of course, it is obvious to any scholar of the twenty first century that the bible is a metaphorical work of fiction… but it is certain that, like any work of modern fiction, the characters and events are based on real events. Someone who preaches freedom of love, freedom of religion, forgiveness, tolerance, acceptance… maybe they even supported the idea of windmills… is certain to be killed by the guys who think they are the toughest and the strongest, and the only ones worthy of having choices....
Read more

their envy

  They drive home from their 16-hour shift in the office and pull into the carpark… then they sit in their cars, engine running, lights on… they sit and sit. What are they doing? It becomes clear, they simply don’t want to go home. They are afraid of the boss all day in the office, and they are afraid all night of the lack of privacy they have in their home. So, that period in the car park after parking their car is the only period of freedom that they have in their day.                     Couples always want single people to date and ‘find a partner’. That is because they want single people to be as miserable as they are. They see the happiness and contentment of a single person and their envy makes them want to destroy it.  
Read more