clinging to the wreckage

  It’s always been a conflict. My life. Always stuck between the obedient, clean, well-behaved boy and the anti-establishment punk rocker who wants to see a change to the world order. These days, I still listen to punk rock, grindcore, and death metal, along with country, pop, rock, hip hop and a wide variety of music forms. I still read literature written by dreamers and poets and drunks and drug addicts. I live in a relatively small and scruffy apartment. And… I invest in companies such as Microsoft, Apple, Google, Amazon, and a host of index funds. I save conscientiously, and I keep a budget to track all of my expenses.   If you want to save money… don’t get married… don’t buy a house… don’t have children. It’s dramatic, yes, but it is true. If you feel that you must do those things, and even if you don’t, stop dreaming about extravagant meals in fancy rooftop restaurants in Paris and New York. It’s not always about earning more money, demanding a raise, complaining that yo...

  Through the darkest days, or the best of times, she is on my mind. I met her eleven years ago in Madrid… the French goddess. In eleven years, I have had other relationships, I have felt love, but she has always been there in my heart and in my mind. I have always considered her to be the one (for me). But she was engaged then, with one child, and she is married now, with two children. Her style and grace are timeless. Her elegance, I feel, is unappreciated. But perhaps that is just me imagining things. When I met her in 2013, she had been with her boyfriend for 10 years. It is now 2024, so she has been with him for 21 years. It is almost unimaginable. Each night, before I go to sleep, I think about her and often imagine that she is there beside me… or that she knocks on my door and asks if she can join me. Most mornings I wake up and imagine that she is beside me. I want to reach out and say hello and tell her that I love her. We briefly spoke last weekend, and she recommended a ...

  Arriving home to all that was familiar was wonderful. But, after a short while, it became apparent that everything had changed. They had voted for him… the criminal, the selfish bastard who stole and lied and cheated from anyone and everyone, even children with cancer or parents investing in the education of their children. He’s a mockery to politics, leadership, the country, decency. The days passed by, silent and empty. Everyone was married, having children, or wallowing in the joy of having ‘won’ regardless of the cost of that victory. There was no one to talk to. There was nothing. Everything felt lost and without significance.   Now I spend my spare time reading to try to find solace, but I also spend time searching for places to live. Other countries, perhaps, to escape to, or do I simply move to a blue state to rebuild and fight back. I love this country and want to see it on a progressive path but, for now, I see that the majority of people want to go backwards, they...

It was a 14-hour flight from Dallas to Dubai, and I was flying in economy. I was both excited and terrified because the ultimate destination was Bengaluru, India, and I had never been to India before. This opportunity excited me. A 14-hour flight to Dubai followed by a 4-hour flight to India terrified me. It was a great privilege to have a job that afforded me the luxury of travelling to many different places and working with so many varied cultures and backgrounds. However, this had been a really busy period in time with people visiting me, trips for myself, the start of a new job, going through US naturalization process, applying for a passport, registering to vote, voting, planning the trip to India, etc. It was the final stretch before, I hoped, a lengthy period at home, sticking to routine, and spending time alone.   Arriving at Dallas airport, via the train and terminal link bus, I found the ‘bag drop’ section for Emirates and was asked to show my visa for India. I had c...

  At 06:33 it was still dark. Completely dark… and it would remain so for some time. The words that echoed through his head were those of his mother saying that she was being punished for abandoning her parents. She had not abandoned her parents; she had left the UK with her own family in search of a better life. Decades later, her own children had left South Africa in search of a better life. She felt this was a punishment and guilt was administered in large doses. Her youngest son now lay in the all-consuming darkness and pondered this, a topic that had interested and troubled him his entire life. It seemed that so many people entered into stagnation because they were afraid to move away, afraid to break with tradition, afraid to seek their own path. At the same time, it struck him how many had suffered, were suffering, and would suffer as a result of their families moving away. Having no children, it was easy to claim that he would simply be happy for his own if they had moved t...

  I survived San Diego and the return to work, but the following weekend arrived with trepidation. I knew that Monday meant a very early start to take the train to the University of North Texas in Dallas to attend my Citizenship ceremony. I was starting a new job and knew that Wednesday brought with it a presentation that I had to give to our global legal team about artificial intelligence. Immediately after, I had to rush to apply for my passport. The day after that I was to give another presentation to an audience of around 300 people. Thursday also saw the arrival of a friend who I had not seen for a long time from New Hampshire. Therefore, it was a very exciting and active time, but it was a nerve-racking time requiring a great deal of research, organisation, patience, and determination.                     The ceremony went well and was an immensely proud moment for me. For many years, in...

  I type in your name to send you a note… I see that you are eight or nine months pregnant in your profile photo, and I find myself at a loss for words. There is no indication of when you were last online, of course, people tend to hide these things these days. So I don't bother to message.  I think of you often… and the night we met. The way you touched your belt buckle each time you spoke to me. When I asked why, you said it was to save your soul from being stolen by a ginger. You said it was a Spanish belief. It was wonderfully hilarious. In spite of your being Spanish, your accent sounded almost English, and I felt that you had a Scottish look. A few hours later we were kissing... kissing in the bar, kissing in the street, kissing in my hotel. We spoke about how it felt like more and like we had known each other for years. The next day I had to fly to a different part of Spain as my band was playing at a festival. Through all of the wonderful messages we were exchanging, y...