clinging to the wreckage

  I want to do good; to contribute to society as a whole, to do good work and bring value to my team and my company. I want to help my community, my country, the world, to become better places where people can thrive and not just survive… but there are heavy weights dragging down my hopes and optimisms. When I see a society in which people are being asked to commute in heavy traffic to go to an office just so that office space is filled to please real estate moguls and shareholders that all is well, and I see thousands of people around the world losing their jobs simply to try to bolster profits and stock prices, I struggle to withhold hope. I see a world that we can make better, where we can strive for happiness and make the lives of most people better… but, instead, we try to stick with everything that failed in the past simply because ‘that is the way it has always been.’ People have suffered and, for some reason, that does not make them want to help future generations to avoid ...

  Only two have been the one.   In 1999, in South Africa, I met the first… she departed and moved to California, where I later visited her. Unfortunately, we became so close that we destroyed everything.   In 2013, in Madrid, I met the second. She already had a child and a life partner… and later I moved to the USA.   I now know, those two were ‘the one’. I have no contact with, or knowledge of, the first, but I am still in touch with the second… even if communicating with her is like trying to extract water from a rock. She has two sons now and is married.   Just a fleeting thought to be recorded for posterity. Others have come very close and have been loved deeply… but those two were the one.                      

  The temperature dropped to -5 last night and will do the same again tonight. I feel so sad and sorry for my feral cat, Fundar, who has been my friend here in the building for the past three years. She won’t allow anyone to stroke her or get too near… but she does let me sit next to her as she eats or as she basks in the sun. She refuses to come inside and, on the odd occasion that she has found herself inside, she has panicked. Today I found her sitting in the sun, but the temperature had only risen to 3 degrees Celsius, and it was still windy, so she was cold. She is a wise creature, though, she somehow knows how to cope with these varying weather extremes. I do wonder where she sleeps at night. Tonight I have ordered a weatherproof outdoor bed for her, but I am not sure if I am allowed to put it out in the building. I will try and see what happens.

  It’s always been a conflict. My life. Always stuck between the obedient, clean, well-behaved boy and the anti-establishment punk rocker who wants to see a change to the world order. These days, I still listen to punk rock, grindcore, and death metal, along with country, pop, rock, hip hop and a wide variety of music forms. I still read literature written by dreamers and poets and drunks and drug addicts. I live in a relatively small and scruffy apartment. And… I invest in companies such as Microsoft, Apple, Google, Amazon, and a host of index funds. I save conscientiously, and I keep a budget to track all of my expenses.   If you want to save money… don’t get married… don’t buy a house… don’t have children. It’s dramatic, yes, but it is true. If you feel that you must do those things, and even if you don’t, stop dreaming about extravagant meals in fancy rooftop restaurants in Paris and New York. It’s not always about earning more money, demanding a raise, complaining that yo...

  Through the darkest days, or the best of times, she is on my mind. I met her eleven years ago in Madrid… the French goddess. In eleven years, I have had other relationships, I have felt love, but she has always been there in my heart and in my mind. I have always considered her to be the one (for me). But she was engaged then, with one child, and she is married now, with two children. Her style and grace are timeless. Her elegance, I feel, is unappreciated. But perhaps that is just me imagining things. When I met her in 2013, she had been with her boyfriend for 10 years. It is now 2024, so she has been with him for 21 years. It is almost unimaginable. Each night, before I go to sleep, I think about her and often imagine that she is there beside me… or that she knocks on my door and asks if she can join me. Most mornings I wake up and imagine that she is beside me. I want to reach out and say hello and tell her that I love her. We briefly spoke last weekend, and she recommended a ...

  Arriving home to all that was familiar was wonderful. But, after a short while, it became apparent that everything had changed. They had voted for him… the criminal, the selfish bastard who stole and lied and cheated from anyone and everyone, even children with cancer or parents investing in the education of their children. He’s a mockery to politics, leadership, the country, decency. The days passed by, silent and empty. Everyone was married, having children, or wallowing in the joy of having ‘won’ regardless of the cost of that victory. There was no one to talk to. There was nothing. Everything felt lost and without significance.   Now I spend my spare time reading to try to find solace, but I also spend time searching for places to live. Other countries, perhaps, to escape to, or do I simply move to a blue state to rebuild and fight back. I love this country and want to see it on a progressive path but, for now, I see that the majority of people want to go backwards, they...

It was a 14-hour flight from Dallas to Dubai, and I was flying in economy. I was both excited and terrified because the ultimate destination was Bengaluru, India, and I had never been to India before. This opportunity excited me. A 14-hour flight to Dubai followed by a 4-hour flight to India terrified me. It was a great privilege to have a job that afforded me the luxury of travelling to many different places and working with so many varied cultures and backgrounds. However, this had been a really busy period in time with people visiting me, trips for myself, the start of a new job, going through US naturalization process, applying for a passport, registering to vote, voting, planning the trip to India, etc. It was the final stretch before, I hoped, a lengthy period at home, sticking to routine, and spending time alone.   Arriving at Dallas airport, via the train and terminal link bus, I found the ‘bag drop’ section for Emirates and was asked to show my visa for India. I had c...