two becomes one


Can’t fit, can’t breathe, can’t write. Tonight is the loneliest night that I have known in some time and there is nothing that I can do to change it. I look up train times and ticket prices for my mother who will soon visit and I think of ten years spent in the wilderness. For a period of time I had a tiny new family of two but I wouldn’t expand it so two became one once more. I thought of this tonight as i bought and cooked dinner for two... you can’t buy dinner for one unless you buy microwave meals... so I eat one portion and put the other into the fridge for some other time.
I travel into the office each day and listen to people speak about their houses, their partners, their children, their parents... and, although I am pleased I am not them, it is difficult to find someone with whom I may share my views... everyone wants to be the one talking about their houses, their partners, their children. I come home and wonder if they can even conceive of the life that I live. Even those who have lived troubled lives and have come from broken, violent homes want to perpetuate the tradition that they have known since birth.

I’m grateful for those few who understand but there are probably only two or three of you and I wish one of you was here right now.

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