supervision

It’s something of a mess. The alcohol. The flirtation. The lack of sleep. A life of good fortune being pushed too far, perhaps. Writing and reading and music are the things for which I live and, thrown in with this, I want to have fun before I am too old to do the things I can do today. Therefore, there is a fine balance between remaining responsible and spiraling into debauchery and loss. Tonight, Friday night, we have a huge party here in Madrid and I am writing this with a severe hangover. I need recovery. I probably need supervision. Supervised detox.

It is now Monday. I have been on the brink of death. After a heavy Friday night we had an even heavier Saturday. I woke up in the middle of the night on Saturday with severe pains in my lower right abdomen. Hungover, desperate for sleep, I was thrown into a panic and a fear that I was dying. Each time the pain subsided, and I started to fall asleep, the pain returned and kept me awake. I spent the whole day feeling sick following this and then suffered another sleepless night last night dealing with paranoia and fear. I am currently sitting at Madrid airport awaiting my flight to Boston and feeling desperate to try to avoid tomorrow’s flight to Miami.
It is now Saturday morning and I got back from Miami late last night. It is wonderful to be in my own bed and to have slept but there was no reprieve from the mayhem in Miami. With French visitors we went out into the Miami night and chaos ensued. Ridiculous. Squandering cash and health simultaneously…

but tremendous fun. Today is an attempt to rediscover reality. It will be a walk around the lake this morning with the German doctor and then a civilized pub crawl in Boston tonight.

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