New Hope

 Friday morning is sadly clouded by nausea. Hoping that fresh air will revive the spirits and the body, I take a walk to feed the ducks. There are some large ones that live permanently at the lake, they are loved by the community. I laughed out loud as one of them ran towards me when I held out my hand. The way a duck runs is very unique. 

                  Walking back, I felt a sense of pleasure at the thought of solitude. An empty apartment in which I can simply sit back and do nothing… or listen to music, read a book, watch a film, sing, dance, sleep… all in the blissful silence of solitude. I did my banking and some investing. Keeping a budget file, I calculate my finances precisely and invest immediately when I get paid. This has been life changing. After this, I call my dad and help him with his banking.

                  The morning seeps into afternoon and there is a tremendous stillness, people hide inside with their air conditioning on. The heat is too much for most. The cat sleeps peacefully under my car, in the coolest spot of the parking area. My car now belongs to the cat, we both know this. When I walk to the car, the cat simply looks at me as if to say, ‘don’t even think about it, buddy.’ A message beeps and I am amazed to see that it is from the French love of my life. I watched the film, Amelia, last night and not only did Hilary Swank look like her in this role (except she never had the beautiful long dark hair of the French lady) but the character of Amelia Earhart made me think of her, too. As a result, I had sent her a message to ask if she had seen it and this was her replying to ask if it was good. I told her that I really enjoyed it and that it made me think of her… but she had vanished. The One. 

                  Drifting off to dream a little. Thinking of that sweet voice and French accent that was such a part of my life in Madrid. The irony, too, of moving to Spain only to fall in love with a French woman. A love unfulfilled. As the line from Blink 182’s New Hope goes: ‘Every night I fall asleep with you, but I wake up alone.’ The imagination is a powerful thing but it cannot prevent us from waking up alone. 



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