clinging to the wreckage

  Two years ago, today, I became an American citizen. It was a great moment, a lifelong goal and dream, and at a time that the country seemed to be progressing towards a more loving and globally connected future. I was able to vote for the first time and, whilst my dad was visiting for the first time, we went to the local voting centre and I cast my vote for Harris. I then flew to India on business. I was a little bit nervous about the trip and about my new role leading a vastly technical team, but I was also grateful to get to see India for the first time and I was still on a high from becoming a dual American British citizen. Then, whilst in India, election night came. I stayed awake all night in excitement and anticipation… and ended the night depressed and fighting back tears. I had to cancel my day and stay in my room in mourning. It felt like a death. At a very minimum, the death of four years for the entire US population and, undoubtedly, all of those around the world who wo...

 A leaf is cast down in its brown autumnal coat. It is stood upon and crackles as it breaks. The water beside it, in contrast, appears to be a magnificent blue. The light has changed and there is less sun, but the heat remains, making the water inviting and refreshing without being cold. It soothes me during a break from work on my first day back after a week of vacation. Sitting at the desk in my home office I felt like I was starting to burn my brain and fall asleep. So many thoughts about time and retirement. All the while knowing that I am fortunate. Nevertheless, time is like water, it is a finite resource, and we are like the leaf… we fall gently to the ground and get crushed under the sole of a relentless machine that never stops.  And yet, existence is always a contrast.  Yesterday, as I sat at the local bar casually catching up with people, a lady walked in and sat beside me. She starting to contribute to the conversation and, as it seemed we had a lot of music...

  Flying on the 25 th anniversary of 9/11 felt like an honour. As I thought of what those people went through 25 years ago, I felt grateful to be able to fly a smooth flight in safety… and even had the pleasure of having one of my neighbours on board as the lead flight attendant. As a dual British American Citizen, I feel proud to represent those two countries in spite of the dark clouds that have troubled both in recent decades. Being in San Diego was special for this moment, too, because I feel some unknown connection to the place, the harbour, the Naval Base, and it made me feel emotional for no reason whatsoever to see so many US Marines board the plane alongside me to Dallas. As a British Punk Rocker, it even surprises me to write these words… but it is true. Perhaps it is just from some book or film that struck me at a certain time in history that caused this resonance. Some people would say ‘incarnation.’ Yet, in this I simply cannot believe. Most people seemed completely o...

Wednesday the 9 th of September was the greatest of days… even though it ended badly. It was the day after my birthday, usually a day that tends to be insignificant, dull, dark and depressive. However, being in San Diego, it was my second full day of the trip and, even though I had not slept well at all, I decided to take a bus to Ocean Beach. I usually take the train to old town and then a bus from there but this time I discovered the 923 bus that goes directly from the front of my hotel on North Harbour Drive to Ocean Beach. When I arrived in Ocean Beach it was around 10am, so I walked directly to the beach and sat in the shade of the lifeguard’s station and read. I recorded a reading of 99 Degrees by Charles Bukowski for my YouTube channel and then I read To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf.                     Around 11:30, the shade was disappearing and the heat was rising, so I decided to ...

  The last night in San Diego has arrived… and the day started really badly due to a terrible hangover, the worst I have had in years, and regrets from the night before. I lay in bed and watched European soccer, Man Utd v Sabah, then finally ventured out. I had originally intended to go to a British pub called The Shakespeare but missed it due to my hangover. Therefore, once feeling better, I decided to head there on the train. When I got out at the station, there were people fighting and the area was very industrial. To get to the pub I had to cross an extremely busy road that as under construction, under a highway. I decided to turn around and walk back to the train. Craving British food, I took a few stops back and went to little Italy to the Prince’s Pub. It was disappointing.                     I walked back to my hotel and then, after a rest, took an Uber to the Gas Lamp Quarter and vis...

  99 Degrees, a poem by Charles Bukowski